Jokes 15.2.00

Sam Widge SAMWIJ

Sosidge Sam Widge

SOSIJ SAMWIJ

DISGO DIS-GOING

DISS GO DAN SIN

Afganistan has a really strict and repressive government called the Taliban, which means Telly Ban and much more as it also means Tally Ban - a whole list of things that are banned.

Whispering when in a group of musicians is band as it is not aloud!

I've bin band from driving dust carts till I get a Laurie Lie Since!
vez Rhode werkz (Jermon).

Is it the end of the phoney war? Or have you got more cause?


Exams 19.9.00

Tim Williams achieved 2 A grades and 2 B grades in his A level exams - A grades in maths and economics and B grades in further maths and physics - but at S level - sod that, because he failed both his sodding papers in maths and physics, achieved U (Ungraded) results in both of them! He is off to Imperial College to read Engineering. By the way, one of his classmates achieved a sodding pass (S level) in physics with distinction as well as 4 A grades at A level.

S level (SODDIN' Scholarship level) papers are anchor papers for the universities - no use snoring in them! The choice for Cambridge candidates are either Sodding or STEP (Sixth Term Examination Paper).
A distinction in an S level paper is referred to as a Distinction or a First in Sodding; a merit is referred to as a Merit or Second in Sodding; and a U result is referred to as a Failure in Sodding.

While Edward snored through his S level papers at Eton, most of his classmates were achieving distinctions. As he sat his S levels, he thought "Sod them, they're too difficult. I think the S stands for Snoring level.", and went back to sleep!


19.9.00

Chris Bird S level (2nd class maths), B.Sc. (1st class Hons. maths with computing) is still a boy, not yet grown up, despite his qualifications.

If you misbehave, I shall have to get a Noid! I catch plenty of Noids from outer space to help me punish people!

A black bar stood at the edge of the garden. It was holding up the washing line, used for drying the clothes. OR, BY THE WAY, IT WAS AN INTRUDER, TRYING TO BURGLE A HOUSE (OWNED BY A WHITE PERSON).

A fogging bar stood in the middle of the garden. It was an anti-burglar device, as it had holes in it, ready to pump out smoke in case an intruder crept into the garden.

An pub recently experienced so much violence at closing time that it was renamed the Thug Inn, and because it had its own ales, customers could order a Thug Inn Ale!


21.8.01

A Bar Stood in Ball Stool for Robin Banks.

When the pub gets peopled up - Four Queuing Ale!

Sardine Neck!

It a-noise me when 'e's noisy!

4 SAIL - 50D OFF!

In order to control a class of naughty pupils, the teacher sits on a Bawl Stool! Everybody has been sent to Bawl Stool!

When the four queuing bus stood at the bus stop, everybody was expected to queue in groups of 4.

Sorry 'bout my LANGWIJ!


Prem-Your-Ship Fort-Bawl Scawz 11.9.01.

Man Chest Her You Knighted v Leads Free Neil
Shell 'C' v Wess Am To Kneel
Arse Null v Live-a-Paul Won Too
Ast 'n' Viller v Lest Her Sittee Neil Won
New Car Sell v Fullum Kneel Neil
Bolt 'Em v Tot 'Nem 'Ot Spa Tutu
Son Delearned v Mid-Halls Bra For Neil
'Ip Switched v Ever Turn Taiwan
Dar Bee Cow Tea v Choll Turn For Free
Bleck Bern v Sour Fam Turn Won Neil

Well Dunn My Call Owe Him flashin' pass Day Vid See Mun! Well Dunn Day Vid Beck 'Em for scorin' 'n' At Trick!

They Think Its All Over - It Is Now!